You want me to think sh***y of you???

Self-Verification is the need to have the people around us confirm what we think of ourselves, because it makes us uncomfortable not being sure if we truly know ourselves; in addition if someone thinks we are better than we think we are then it makes us feel as if we have to live up to those standards and are afraid that we are already failing them (Swann, 1987). 

My freshman year I made a friend who was very different than anyone else I knew, he was the most introverted person I had ever met; and throughout the year and half of my sophomore year I really got to know him, well at least I though I had. I saw him as a person who had a good heart but had been through a lot of trauma in his life and I tried my best to be his friend and help him through stuff. I always tried to make him feel better about himself and tell him good things but he would always disagree and like get mad at me for telling him that I thought he was a good person. He on numerous occasions told me some pretty bad things that he had done to others or thought about doing, and I would always tell him that everyone makes mistakes and not to let them define who he is. During Sophomore year the stories got more and more ridiculous, and I got to the point where I couldn't be his friend because everything I talked to him it was some crazy dramatic horrible story and I just could not deal with the drama, let alone believe what he was saying (found out he was telling my other friend different but kinda similar stuff). I have always wondered why he always insisted on me seeing him as a bad, selfish, and as he would say "f**ked up" individual and know I can kind of understand it. He was uncomfortable with me seeing him in a different (and better) way than he saw himself, I can not for sure say why but based on self-verification I can assume that it was because he didn't like the pressure I was unintentionally putting on him. 

I will still continue to see the good in people and bad situations because I have always been a pretty extreme optimist, but now I can understand why a person who I thought I was good friends with could not stand to be my friend. 

Citation:

Swann, W. B. (1987). Identity negotiation: Where two roads meet. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53(6), 1038-1051. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.53.6.1038