As social beings, people have a need to affiliate or establish and maintain personal relationships that are mostly rewarding with other people (McAdams, 1989). This drive leads people to do some crazy things, and in this frenzy of relationship making some people are rated as more desirable (whether it be for friendship or a romantic relationship) than others. For example, Carrot top vs. Emma Stone, they are both red heads (most of the time) and both funny (one much more than the other, Emma!) but I would bet that if asked Emma would get better ratings and more people would want to be her friends than carrot top.
Additionally, this drive for rewarding relationships leads us to want to associate ourselves with people who are popular and beautiful, because it is common for people to judge a person on who they hang out with. This leads to the hard-to-get effect, which is when people like people who are very selective in who they chose to associate with because it makes them scarce (Waltser et al., 1973). Im sure we have experienced this effect with at least one person who we have wanted to either date or be friends with. For example, going into high school I hung out with some people who weren't really very good friends of mine and they also weren't "cool", and when I looked at the "in-crowd" they all seemed to be so happy and all the best of friends, so I made my way in. It was fairly easy, with a few giving me crap at first but I made it "in" and I did have a few good friends, although they ended up sucking too. But what I found once I got into this "elite" group was that they kind of really freakin sucked, they were so self-absorbed and dumb. It was all about partying and who was the prettiest and skinniest and who wore the cutest clothes and honey that aint me. I thought that because these people were so exclusive and "hard to get" that they must have really close ties and be really awesome, turns out everyone talks about each other behind their backs and backstab even their "best friends". It was an interesting experience because for the most part I was able to stay out of most drama, but goodness those people have what is important so mixed up. Granted it was high school and thats how a lot of kids are so I will give them that, although most of them are the exact same. The funniest part of the whole thing was seeing how caught up in themselves people were, the "beautiful" people had everyone fooled that they were so great and awesome when really everyone was under the what-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype. This stereotype is the common misconception that because a person is physically attractive they also have good personality characteristics, when in reality a person's appearance on the outside is no sign of who they are on the inside (Dion et al., 1972). These people who were so beautiful and popular because of it are judged based solely on their looks and people, even their friends, ever get a glimpse of who they really are. I can tell you that those girls who people thought were the hottest in the school were not that great on the inside, some of them were really good people but some were not, and its funny because so much stereotyping happens based on the "type" of attractive you are. At my school the guys would rate girls based on a scale that had different categories of attractiveness, this included cute, hot, sexy, beautiful and many other "levels" a girl could be. Interestingly, these actually mattered to people and they viewed others based on what they got. Not trying to brag at all because those stupid guys opinions of me means nothing, but I was rated as a bunch of levels including sexy which not sure why a lot of girls did not get, and these stupid girls automatically started looking at me in a sexualized way when really the "cute" girls were the freaks but because they seemed so innocent and cute certain characteristics were placed on them where as others were placed on me. Im sure that many of you have been judged on your outward beauty but in reality the sexiest or most beautiful part of a person is what they have to offer from the inside, I know that that is how I chose my relationships because I know a pretty face doesn't mean a good friend and a hot guy doesn't mean good boyfriend. Plus, I have WAY more to offer than my face and sexuality and if someone wants to only see that then I must say I dont care a flip about them or their opinions. Its kind of like mean girls were everyone is obsessed with Regina George because she is so pretty and they ignore how awful she is because she is so popular has the hot guys, the hot friends, and basically gets to run the school.
Basically when you are making your friend and mate selections dont be fooled by looks and high status. Hope yall enjoyed my blog this year here is one more funny picture and video to send you off on a great holiday season.
hahaha love this kid, you know that doesnt taste good and that the kid had to do it either for a long time or multiple times for them to get this great pic. poor kitty
only in Europe could you get away with this crap lol Happy Holidays!!
Citation:
Dion, K., Berscheid, E., & Walster, E. (1972). What is beautiful is good. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 24(3), 285-290. doi:10.1037/h0033731
McAdams, D. P. (1989). Intimacy: The need to be close. New York, NY US: Doubleday & Co.
Walster, E., Walster, G., Piliavin, J., & Schmidt, L. (1973). 'Playing hard to get': Understanding an elusive phenomenon. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 26(1), 113-121. doi:10.1037/h0034234
Okay, 1: LOVE that baby/cat picture! Hilarious! and 2: I feel ya on the "beautiful people" crowd - they are all so petty and superficial! Of course, this is just a stereotype and doesn't apply to everyone, but in my experience, people in the "in crowd" tend to be really focused on the wrong things.
In high school, I was part of this crowd, and am still really good friends with some of these people and I love them to DEATH, but when I go home on the breaks and hang out with them, I don't really feel like I relate to a lot of them anymore. A lot of these people have grown out of this and matured through college (I have definitely grown as a person in college although I'm hoping that I wasn't actually this superficial in high school!), but there are still a couple people who just break my heart. My best friend is one of them. She always had a tendency to gossip, but I would try and balance her out by not encouraging it or by saying something good about the person because I absolutely hate when people judge others. This thanksgiving break I hung out with this friend and it was a really unbearable experience because all she did was talk negatively about all her friends. The company she keeps now just encourages her in this. In addition, they all have a negative attitude toward people and life in general.
It's true, beautiful people really aren't happier. That's probably why she is always putting others down, to make herself feel better. I'm hoping that I can get over her attitude and invest in our friendship more than I have been since we started college. I just want her to know she is so loved so that maybe she will stop being so harsh to others. This was a really long "thoughtful comment" - pretty much a blog of its own - but I have a lot of thoughts on that subject :)
yeah i feel ya, idk i cant even deal with those people anymore. Like one of my biggest mottos is dont judge and everything is judgmental and a competition and i just dont care so yeah plus they are all liars and i am definitely not into that.
This was an awesome example! The popular crowd in school is so terrible, isn't it? In elementary and middle school I was friends with a bunch of girls that were the prettiest and most well-liked, but all they did was fight with each other and try to compete. When I was younger I was all about it, but as the years went on it wasn't fun anymore. Somehow, we all ended up in the same cabin for this stupid school camping trip we took to oklahoma, even though I pretty much hated all of them by now, and I convinced them to play poker with me and bet stuff like lip gloss and flip flops. Well, since I never really taught them how to play, I just ended up wiping them out and got all this cool stuff! They weren't very happy with me once they figured out what was going on... Anyways, you're totally right, the "in-crowd" is so caught up with maintaining their status or backstabbing each other that it's better to just stay out.
Okay, 1: LOVE that baby/cat picture! Hilarious! and 2: I feel ya on the "beautiful people" crowd - they are all so petty and superficial! Of course, this is just a stereotype and doesn't apply to everyone, but in my experience, people in the "in crowd" tend to be really focused on the wrong things.
ReplyDeleteIn high school, I was part of this crowd, and am still really good friends with some of these people and I love them to DEATH, but when I go home on the breaks and hang out with them, I don't really feel like I relate to a lot of them anymore. A lot of these people have grown out of this and matured through college (I have definitely grown as a person in college although I'm hoping that I wasn't actually this superficial in high school!), but there are still a couple people who just break my heart. My best friend is one of them. She always had a tendency to gossip, but I would try and balance her out by not encouraging it or by saying something good about the person because I absolutely hate when people judge others. This thanksgiving break I hung out with this friend and it was a really unbearable experience because all she did was talk negatively about all her friends. The company she keeps now just encourages her in this. In addition, they all have a negative attitude toward people and life in general.
It's true, beautiful people really aren't happier. That's probably why she is always putting others down, to make herself feel better. I'm hoping that I can get over her attitude and invest in our friendship more than I have been since we started college. I just want her to know she is so loved so that maybe she will stop being so harsh to others. This was a really long "thoughtful comment" - pretty much a blog of its own - but I have a lot of thoughts on that subject :)
yeah i feel ya, idk i cant even deal with those people anymore. Like one of my biggest mottos is dont judge and everything is judgmental and a competition and i just dont care so yeah plus they are all liars and i am definitely not into that.
ReplyDeleteThis was an awesome example! The popular crowd in school is so terrible, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteIn elementary and middle school I was friends with a bunch of girls that were the prettiest and most well-liked, but all they did was fight with each other and try to compete. When I was younger I was all about it, but as the years went on it wasn't fun anymore. Somehow, we all ended up in the same cabin for this stupid school camping trip we took to oklahoma, even though I pretty much hated all of them by now, and I convinced them to play poker with me and bet stuff like lip gloss and flip flops. Well, since I never really taught them how to play, I just ended up wiping them out and got all this cool stuff! They weren't very happy with me once they figured out what was going on...
Anyways, you're totally right, the "in-crowd" is so caught up with maintaining their status or backstabbing each other that it's better to just stay out.